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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30022584">No One Understands</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Im_a_fool_for_whump/pseuds/Im_a_fool_for_whump'>Im_a_fool_for_whump</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2012)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Depressed raph, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Raph Needs A Hug, depression turned to anger, it is really dark though so dont read if dark emotions triggers you</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 22:54:19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,194</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30022584</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Im_a_fool_for_whump/pseuds/Im_a_fool_for_whump</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A one shot of a different reason why Raphael's shell has a crack in it. Also the a reason why he is angry all the time. Enjoy! and please comment!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Raph&amp; little turtle spike</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>No One Understands</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Do not read if dark emotions trigger you. has somewhat happy ending.  <br/>I do not own the characters of TMNT.<br/> I have just kidnapped Raphael and the other characters for my own selfish designs. Raphael is and always will be my favorite turtle.<br/> I make no money off this. Purely for Raphael whumping entertainment.  Depression and a small amount of self-harm.<br/> If this is not your shtick then don't read. <br/>Self-harm is wrong and never resolves anything. <br/>It can never permanently take your pain away and it hurts you so much in the process. <br/>Depression and self-harm are real. But is treatable. Please turn to a friend, family, or someone close to you. <br/>Let them help you through it. And please know don't ever think no one cares about you. Someone always does. And if you think not then I care about you.</p><p>First TMNT fanfic!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Raphael was depressed. Simple as that. He was depressed and to hide his depression he became angry. He didn't want to, hell, he hated being angry, but it was better than being depressed. So, he became angry. A little angrier every day until his brothers thought that was his personality. That made Raphael even more depressed, so that made him even more angry. His brothers didn't have a clue what was wrong with Raph.</p><p>They foolishly thought that was just Raph being Raph. Raph always had a temper so they didn't question it when Raph became angry all the time. But Raph was hurting. Really hurting and it hurt him even more when even Sensei told him to keep his temper in check. Raph felt like he was going to cry when Sensei said that. Instead he got angrier and grumbled "yes, Sensei. I will try".</p><p>Sensei nodded and dismissed him. Raph angrier than ever exploded out of the room and ran straight past his brothers ignoring their jabs at his uncontrollable temper. He slammed his bedroom door and threw a book at one of the four walls. He heard Mikey say loudly "Hey guys! Raph is mad again!" all of them were laughing. Leo, Donnie, and Mikey. Raph could hear their laughter bouncing off the walls and echoing into his heart. He slid down the door and leaned his head back gasping in air. Trying to not cry.</p><p>He pulled on his ninja mask's strings pulling it tighter until it hurt. Telling himself only babies cry, and he was Raphael the toughest turtle of them all. It was no use. The words of reproach he told himself fell flat. The tears came in racking sobs. To muffle them he dragged himself to his bed and buried his head in his pillow. The depression came back in full force this time. Raph was too tired and depressed to become angry though.</p><p>So, he just let the waves of sadness roll over his heart and stream down his face. He lay there for a while sobs quietly receding. After an hour or two Leo came to make sure he was okay since they had called for dinner an hour ago and he had not come to eat. Raph was too depressed to eat anything. He felt sick. Not really in his stomach but in his heart and in his head.</p><p>When Leo came, he said he was not hungry and Raph could hear Leo shrug and tell him it was his choice. His choice. Hah, that's a laugh Raph thought. His choice, you think I want to be depressed. Think I want to turn that into anger? No, no I don't want any of it. But I have it and I can't get rid of it. I've tried to. Nothing works. So here I am big tough Raph sobbing like a baby and I don't know why.</p><p>Raph could have told Leo but he was too afraid Leo would make fun of him. He couldn't tell Donnie he would just tell Raph some scientific explanation that Raph didn't understand. He couldn't tell Mikey. Oh, hell no! Mikey wouldn't understand then go around telling everybody like it was all a big joke. Raph crying hah Mikey would say then laugh with the others about it. Throwing it right back into Raph's face. No, he couldn't tell anyone, even Sensei.</p><p>Raph had foolishly tried to make the pain go away by causing physical pain. He took his Sai and poked at his shell, hard. It felt like he was driving a needle into his skin, but it helped, some. So, he did it again, harder. Then again harder. Until he jabbed it so hard, he broke a piece of his shell. The relief from the emotional pain he got was out trumped by the physical pain he felt when he broke that piece off his shell.</p><p>Raph had dropped the Sia as soon as he realized what he had done. He stared in horror at what he had done and disgust because he felt almost happy that he didn't feel depressed right then. When his brothers noticed the chip and asked. He said he got it while fighting. When they got nosier, he became scared that they would find out about his crying. So, he just got angry and told them to back off. They backed off shaking their heads and saying only Raph and his temper could crack his shell.</p><p>Raph got angrier at that and went to his room and slammed his door. he sat on his bed shaking at how close his secret had been revealed. Raph promised himself he would never do any more physical harm to himself ever. It was too dangerous and Raph was starting to like it too much. So, he stopped. But he just got more depressed and turned that into more anger. It was becoming a disgusting familiarity, him being angry.</p><p>As a matter of fact, as Mikey pointed that out once. He said the Leo was the leader, Donnie the smart one, himself the fun one, and Raph was the angry one. All his brothers had laughed at that. All except Raph. Raph didn't think that was funny. He told Mikey that in so many words and Mikey told him to just chill. It was just a joke. Raph smacked the backside of Mikey's head and retreated to his room.</p><p>Leaving Mikey to ask Donnie and Leo what Raph's problem was. Yeah like they know Raph thought. No one understands. No one cares. They all think I'm cracked. Useless. A month later Raph's depression was getting so bad he couldn't sleep anymore. He just lay up all night, crying and holding Sai in his hand. He knew he promised himself he wouldn't, and he kept his promise. But the feeling was too overwhelming sometimes, so he held a Sai in his hand. Hoping just the feel of it would lessen the pain.</p><p>No luck. So, he lay there weeping. Getting up in the morning, more depressed and angrier than when he went to bed. It all changed when on a mission he found a stray turtle. A lonesome turtle everybody had forgotten about. Raph took that turtle home amongst the jabs at him from his brothers. He named the turtle Spike. Raph grew fonder and closer to Spike every day. Now when Raph was feeling overwhelmed and depression was creeping up.</p><p>He would go to his room sit on his bed and stroke Spike. It was the only thing that made him feel better. Spike helped him cope in a way his brothers and Sensei would never be able to help if they had known about Raph's crying. Spike helped heal his heart. Spike listened to him and didn't judge. He was there for Raph in every way possible except for the talking part. But Raph had that covered.</p><p>Even though Spike helped Raph over the worst parts of Raph's depression. Raph was still depressed all the time. So Raph was still angry all the time. Just not so much as before.</p><p>No one understands. Except Spike.</p>
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